17 May 2022

Best One Yet

I was lost. It was nighttime but there was plenty of ambient light to see by as I wandered around on a residential street I didn’t recognize, trying to figure out where I was, when this nice lady came up to me on the sidewalk and asked if I were OK. After the woman and I had talked for a bit and I failed to make complete sense, a police car pulled up, and this pleasant young cop asked me some silly questions like who our president is. I passed that test but then told him that I knew our President but what I didn’t know was were I was, Although I could tell him my name, I couldn’t find my billfold with my drivers’ license. Nor, for that matter, could I find my pants because all I was wearing was a tee shirt, boxer briefs, and socks. He asked me where I live, and I told him 190 Coleridge but that I didn’t know how to get there from here.

And then, breakthrough, I turned to look beyond the cop and recognized two doors down, the vehicular entrance structure for my building. I chortled to him that that’s where I live, so happy to no longer be lost. At this point, having noticed that I was shivering, the nice lady handed me a small blanket, which I gratefully wrapped myself in as I led the police down the entrance ramp and up to the front door. Oops, no key owing to no pants, but I remembered the entrance code that I could punch in to open the door when the buzzer went off.

Didn’t work. I kept trying it until I accidentally rang the building manager, who kindly let us in and identified me to the cop. I led the cop down the hall and up the elevator and down the hall again to my door, which was, of course, unlocked because you have to lock it from the outside when you leave and I didn’t have the key. Once I found my drivers’ license and showed it to the cop, he left. And exhausted after all that work, I went back to bed and slept like a baby.

I talked with the apartment manager the next morning, and she showed me a video recording of me on the previous evening walking up to the front door, pushing to no avail on the right side, pushing on the left side with no success, and giving up and walking back the way I’d come. She continued the video that showed me sometime later returning to the front door and this time remembering to push a little lever that let the door open.

So I got out, walked up the ramp to the street, turned to the left, and after a short time was lost, which is where we came in.

Nothing remotely like this had ever happened to me before. I’d never sleepwalked, and I was left speculating about possible causes for this entertaining, if a bit strange, adventure.

In an apartment building full of old folks, nothing remains secret for long, so I told my side of the story to those I encountered during the day. One thing for sure, I told them, is that I’m grateful I don’t sleep in the nude.

Stay tuned, the story continues.

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