Mountain Lion Update

We don’t normally provide breaking news here at, but today’s events force an exception.

Everyone’s been following the story of that mountain lion spotted on security cameras roaming San Francisco streets near the Presidio for the past few days, but we can rest easy now.  Our police finally cornered him in Diamond Heights and have taken him into custody.

A police spokesman has told us that the lion was uncooperative and became belligerent when he was Tased, forcing them to escalate to a couple of tranquilizing darts, one of which can be seen sticking out of his butt in some of the above photos.

Once he was completely unconscious, he was securely bound with heavy leather straps recently acquired from Dungeons R Us for use on prisoners on whom handcuffs won’t fit, and a canvas sack was put over his head, a cautionary measure now routinely taken with potentially uncooperative prisoners.

He was transported to the Mission Branch Police Station, where he was charged with trespassing, failure to carry ID, failure to comply with a lawful order, and resisting arrest.  He was taken to the county jail since he was unable to post bail.

A jail spokesman reported that, other than his apparent inability to understand English (or Spanish, Tagalog, Cantonese, Mandarin, or Russian), he has been a model prisoner.  The district attorney’s office says he will receive credit for his assistance in obtaining confessions from a series of recently booked prisoners who, upon seeing they were about to be placed in his cell with him, suddenly remembered details concerning the crime of which they were accused and volunteered to share with the police all these details and many, many more if just put in another cell.  Any other cell.

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