The Case of the Excited Colonoscopist

You know how hard it is to get a surgeon to laugh.  See, at some point during their medical training, most likely in their specialized study after they’ve got their MD, they undergo a brief procedure in which the sense of humor is excised.  I’ve been trying for decades with minimal success to break through the shell and get my surgeons to laugh.

Our parents taught us to try, try again, and my internist’s discovery last summer of some Suspicious Stuff has given me the opportunity to see more medical professionals, thus improving my odds of finding one who can show some joy.

The good news regarding my stuff is that it has turned out to be only moderately suspicious, and treatment of it can be postponed.  Alas, the examination of the first stuff turned up other stuff, and i was told i needed a colonoscopy.  But wait.  I just had one a couple of years ago.

So what i needed, i decided, was a new colonoscopist, never having felt much of a rapport with the previous one anyhow.  And then i got a lead.  I discovered that the husband of my semi-divine retinologist is a colorectal surgeon.

My retinologist is an amazing woman.  In the first place, she’s a brilliant physician, having got back for me much of the vision i’d lost.  She’s also a gifted photographer, spectacularly beautiful, and above all, nice.  Warm and loving and kind.  She would have been beset by suitors and would have had her pick, so anyone she chose would naturally be brilliant and nice at very least.  So i got a referral and made an appointment with her husband.

The first thing i noticed was that everybody at the front desk was relaxed and nice and wonderfully tolerant over my having forgot my insurance card and other gaffes.  Always a good sign.

And then i’m taken off to the examination room and in comes Dr. Jeffrey Sternberg with a smile. He was patient and kind and caring, and after a brief consultation reassured me that i was in no immediate danger and that we should postpone the colonoscopy until he can get a full report from my examination next January by the doctor who’s tracking my original stuff.

And then i mentioned that i was a patient of his wife’s and knew that he liked this, holding out a jar of my CPK (Cherry Jam flavored with Patak’s Hot Lime Relish). He took the jar, looked at the label, and exclaimed in delight: “You’re the one!”

See, the first time i gave his wife a jar of this stuff, she’d opened it as a condiment for some pork chops, and both of them had loved it so much that she called me up at home the next day to exclaim over it.  I just love it when i can make people happy.

Meanwhile, most folks in San Francisco now have mail slots in their doors, but a few are more traditional.

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