Many Californians have been following with great interest our new ban on the sale of foie gras that went into effect on July 1st. Well, actually, foie gras itself is not banned, but rather the sale in restaurants of foie gras produced by gavage, the insertion of food directly into the stomach through a tube so as to force the bird to eat more than it would of its own volition in order to grotesquely enlarge the liver and make it tastier.
Animal rights activists argued successfully that this technique should be banned since its use on humans in prisons is widely considered to be torture. Well, except in Guantánamo where it is routinely used on obstinate hunger strikers for their own good.
We don’t seem to have a solution for Guantánamo, but it occurred to me this morning that we do have a way to ensure an bountiful supply of foie gras without force feeding the ducks. I look around at our red states and see that half the population is obese, and yet they are not being force fed. So all we have to do is start lacing Purina Duck Chow with high fructose corn syrup and let nature take its course. Voilà.