Wires were jammed this morning with accusations outing Matte Gray as a practicing septugenarian.
Mr. Gray could not be reached for comment, and his friends expressed shock and disbelief. His office issued the following statement:
“Matte urges all his readers to remain calm while we look into these scurrilous charges, but we remain confident that his name will be cleared. A thorough internal investigation has been launched, and we have demanded a recount.”