When i was a kid my parents were always telling me that just because all the other kids were getting to do something, it didn’t mean that i could. As adults, though, we can emulate others at will, so i’ve decided to join everyone else in writing a Christmas letter.
It’s been quite a year. I won’t bore you with all the minor stuff but will just describe the year’s major event.
After many years of struggle, i’ve decided to face a reality that has troubled me all my life. Even as a small child, i understood that something was terribly wrong and that deep down inside i wasn’t really a little boy like all the others. Some of you may have suspected this, but i have finally admitted to myself that i was born into the wrong body and have scheduled complete reassignment surgery for January.
Friends have asked, why now? Wasn’t coming out as gay enough? Actually, no. I never really got comfortable identifying as a gay man even though i did live that life for twenty-five years.
What’s helped me come to my decision is that there have been dramatic developments in reassignment surgery recently, and recipients now enjoy full functionality at levels previously thought unattainable. At least this way i’ll finally, for the rest of my life, be living in the right body.
As soon as i’ve recovered from the surgery, i’ll be moving away from the bustle of the city to a rural area where i can make a new life for myself, a remote area in the Sierra that has ample wildlife so that i’ll be able to live a largely solitary life off the land, mostly by hunting my own deer.
I’m realistic enough to know that hunting is a skill that has to be learned, so i’ll be starting out with a freezer full of meat to sustain me until i’m successful enough to be self-sufficient. It will take me a while to master the technique, but i’m sure you all share my excitement as i anticipate finally, finally living as a 140 lb. mountain lion, the apex predator i always knew was the real me.
Sure am looking forward to my new dentition.
Late Note: Some of the first readers got back to me with high levels of concern about the surgery since every bone, sinew, and muscle in my body would have to be radically altered during the reassignment. Well, yes, that would be one way to do it, and a damn difficult one, too.
People, people, can’t we think outside the box? What we’re gonna do here is just catch us a big young healthy mountain lion and drop my brain into him. Voilà.
And yes, i said “him”. This is a species reassignment, not a sex change, and besides, i’m just not up to raising a litter of ungrateful cubs every other year while their father is off somewhere marking his territory and taking power naps.
Oh, and speaking of apex predators, this one’s on Balmy Alley. It’s Sirron Norris‘ Victorion, Defender of the Mission: