February 2006

Having just finished a stick-to-yer-ribs breakfast of leftover kid chili mixed with chopped Russian-style frankfurters and topped with fresh green garlic sautéed in Springhill Jersey butter while I read in this morning’s paper of that infamous com-symp and terrorist-fellow-traveler Paul Pillar ratting out the Bush Administration upon his retirement from the CIA, I began to worry.

I had so much fun writing about Rajiv yesterday that I sent that riff to several of my friends and was somewhat disconcerted to discover this morning that hardly anybody got back to me, and those who wrote didn’t seem to appreciate the humor.

Then it occurred to me that Rajiv’s handlers may have decided that further encouraging me would not be in the best interests of national security and thus instructed him to cause to be “accidentally” lost the responses of a number of my correspondents.

But maybe I’m just being paranoid. Probably shouldn’t have quite so much saturated fat first thing in the morning.

A vegetarian diet might help with the paranoia, Matte, not to mention the karma.

My old friend Jim, a fellow passionate patriot and Vietnam-era veteran who in his case actually served in Vietnam, emailed me yesterday and closed with the suggestion that I say “hi” to the folks who are doing the data mining, reviewing all our email for treason, smut, blasphemy, and such.

I’m way ahead of him. Owing to my, ahem, constructive criticism of the Bush Administration, I’ve already been assigned my very own personal Data Miner. His name’s Rajiv, working out of Mumbai. Says he makes a good living, and he and his wife are saving up for an apartment of their own.

He’s made a couple of suggestions as to how I could make his job easier, and as a loyal American with nothing to hide, I’m happy to help.

Hi, Rajiv. Logging on.

Good morning, Matte. Sleep well?