This one they printed:
Editor, The San Francisco Chronicle
I am reading with interest your series touting the installation of a suicide barrier on the Golden Gate Bridge, but so far I have not seen articulated what I feel to be the strongest argument against such a barrier: my right to govern my own life.
On the left, liberal do-gooders claim they know what’s best for me while on the right, religious fundamentalists try to make me follow their rules.
All I want is for both groups to leave me alone.
I offer this suggestion as the most selfless public service since I would never exercise my right to jump off any bridge, being scared to death of heights.
Oh, and speaking of scared of heights, here’s an arborist removing a huge Canary Island Pine from my neighbor’s yard: