Modest Proposal

Nobody asked, but here is my modest proposal to solve the problem of all them nasty queers wanting to get married. I offer it out of a pure spirit of public service since I, myself, am far too old and cranky to even consider marrying anyone of any sex.

The problem is that in this country there is a long list of special privileges (people counting them have come up with numbers over a thousand) that are granted only to couples who are married. But marriage is a religious ceremony, so giving the married special privileges is a violation of the doctrine of the separation of church and state. The church is free to grant privileges to the married, but the state should not. Since the members of various religions all over the globe have traditionally loved nothing more than slaughtering persons who worship incorrectly or at least discriminating against them, the state should not do anything to encourage religion.

Unfortunately, over the past few hundred years, the line between church and state has been blurred so that it is now possible in this country to get married without ever darkening the door of a church/temple/ mosque/whatever. This is absurd when you think about it. Can you go down to City Hall and get a baptism or bar mitzvah?

The logical solution is to get City Hall out of the marriage business and require folks who want to get married to do so in the religion of their choice. If your religion holds as doctrine that left-handers cannot marry each other, and you, born a lefty, fall in love with another lefty, then you’re out of luck. You must either marry somebody acceptable to your religion or get yourself a more generous religion.

What City Hall should do instead of marrying people is give them civil unions. It is these civil unions that ought to convey to their members all the civil rights now given to the married. To ease the transition, persons who are currently married should be considered to also have a civil union.

Unfortunately, all the idiots from Gavin Newsom to the Pope to George W. Bush neglected to consult me on this and are now busily igniting a political war. Just what we need….another war, another way to divide ourselves from each other.

Notes: Gavin Newsom is the mayor of San Francisco, and he recently allowed several thousand same-sex marriages before a bunch of Christians enforcing Christ’s love got a court order to stop it.

The Pope is the head of the Roman Catholic Church, and he sends millions of wretched third-world poor to their deaths of AIDS to keep their souls from being sullied by the use of condoms. In his spare time, The Holy Father pushes legislation against homosexuals.

George W. Bush is President of the United States, and he is working tirelessly to stuff his religious doctrines down all our throats. Do we really want no abortion, no stem cell research, and the teaching in the schools of creationism on an equal par with evolution? Oh, and no birth control for the people, the poor, who need it most.

And yes, i went a little overboard with wires and reflections when i first got the camera:

market street wires


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