About Those Aussies

I forwarded to a number of folks the entertaining list of Australian Christmas mishaps sent me by a traitorous Aussie friend. The list concluded with the item, “8 Australians cracked their skulls after passing out while throwing up in the toilet.” However, what sparked the most interest in my readers, as evidenced by their getting back to me on it, was the item, “3 Australians die each year testing if a 9V battery works on their tongue.”

Frankly, I was a little disappointed, as not a single reader admitted to having performed this experiment himself. I say “himself” because no woman would engage in such, to put the nicest spin on it, guy-type behavior. I had rather expected many of my readers to be, or at least to have been in their youths, a bit more, well, guy-like. Of course I’ve always made a effort to be as guy-like as possible, and this has led me into adventures which I now view with some regret, although not nearly as much regret as that with which I viewed them immediately afterwards and all too often, during. Like, for example, that encounter as a four-year-old with the repeatedly forbidden open Christmas tree light socket.

Not to mention others in subsequent years too numerous to detail.

So, for those wanting more information on this highly charged subject, the first time I licked a battery was also the last time I’ll lick a battery. I didn’t even lose consciousness although this experiment may well have been the source, rather than AIDS, of my brain damage. Then again, it may be just a symptom.

At any rate, I can make the following recommendation: For persons (males of all ages) who wish to mess around with batteries, I suggest starting with one whose discharge has been announced by your smoke detector. It’s not really completely discharged, but most guys find that little taste of the lash sufficient.

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