1 April 1999

Great Success

I’m just back from Texas, and the trip was a great success. Mother was dottier than ever, but my sister Becky was there and the two of us schmoozed nonstop.

Had a talk with Mother’s lawn man about the rather bedraggled look, and, being a true professional, he had the answer.

Ammonium Nitrate.

Not available everywhere, unfortunately, but there’s a feed store in Nacogdoches that sells it…in unmarked bags, but it’s the real stuff. Just no substitute for it, and don’t let ’em try to pawn off ammonium sulfate on you. Hold out for the ammonium nitrate. You can leave it in that unused garbage can beside the back porch.

So I thought about it. Should I use Mother’s credit card or maybe just give ’em cash?

And as we were pulling up in front of the feed store, I came up with an even better idea.

I sent Becky in to get it.

P.S. OK, OK. I made up the part about the unmarked bag. It’s clearly labeled. And by now I can only hope he used it on the lawn.

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